BLOOD [chapter three]

Hell

She took my heart, I think she took my soul
Closer – Kings of Leon

Wich is worse: Hell or nothing?
Chuck Palahniuk.

And then, everything stops in here. In the station where there is no way back and no way further. Traped in your own cage, not being able to taste freedom. The boulevard of broken dreams, I’d say. I was alone on that line, the line between Death and Life, heaven and hell.

Was someone going to rescue me? Or I just had to wait for the - impossible – blown of Death? That would take me away, finally feeling the sweet relief of Death.

Or maybe… This agonizing feeling… Is my Hell. My personal hell. Was it? I think it was, because I couldn’t bear it anymore. There was no flames, but I was constantly burned by the fire of my sins, I was haunted by the people I had already killed, I was tortured with the blood, the same blood that made me do terrible things.

Or maybe it isn’t hell, this could be purgatory. And it seemed that I’d never get out of here, at least not sane.

I felt empty, all that was inside of my was thirstyness, hunger, remorse and pain. I’ve forgotten how love felt, I’ve forgotten how good it was to be cuddled to someone when it was cold, I’ve forgotten how the rain would make chills run through my body, I’ve forgotten how beautiful it was to see a smile. I was completaly empty.

I needed to get out, I needed another chance, I needed to go back in time…

I needed Sophie back.

I looked down at my hands, full of blood, and so as my t-shirt. I finally had stop running, and
I looked behind; I was really far from London now. Five years had passed since I reborn, and I have ran away from Dougie and those two freaky sisters. I didn’t want to live the way they did, like wild hunters that didn’t care with other’s feelings.

They kill for pleasure, not only because they were thirsty.

I sat on the ground, breathing heavily, trying to clean out the blood that was all over me. I was getting near a village, and it wouldn’t be nice if someone sighted a guy stained of blood.

Especially a guy who was supposed to be disappeared.

After the incident in that house, where me and Dougie were transformed, and Danny and Tom were – gulp – murdered, the news have spread all over the newspapers and on the tv; supposedly, the band McFLY has disappeared, and no one had ever seen them again. After four eyes, the situation was calm again, but it wasn’t the brightest of ideas if someone saw me.

That’s why I’m always at run, hided, trying to be oblivous from the world, and that’s why I never said goodbye to my girlfriend, Sophie.

I knew each other since we were little, and when I was seventeen, I started falling for her.
She gave me a lot of support when I decided to enter McFLY, and she always tryied to be in all the possible gigs. Soph was the perfect girl; she had long blonde hair; wich she always was too lazy to comb it and it was always messy – but in a sexy way. Her green eyes were hypnotic, I couldn’t stare at them too much without imaginating us together. She was a bit short, and when we kissed for our first time, I wrapped my arms on her waist and pulled her up, so that we could stay at the same height. I constantly made fun of her, calling her a shortie, making her laugh and sometimes get angry with me.

But them we usually kissed and it was alright again.

Her laugther, like a child one, was the most beautiful I ever heard, and it was killing me the fact that I was forgetting it. Her voice, sounded a little strange and off tone for me; it wasn’t the melody it normally were.

I was starting to forget her, and I couln’t handle that. I had to keep a good memory of her, that was the only thing that would make me hold on to this hell that was my life.
Then, I thought the most stupidest idea ever; but that idea already created rooths on my mind, and it wouldn’t leave without being completed.

I was going to visit Sophie.

I let my feets lead the way, not caring in being hidden. I was static, couldn’t think of any other thing besides the love of my life.

While I was walking towards the vague memory of her house, I didn’t see the area sorrounding me. I didn’t see trees, I didn’t see houses, I didn’t see people passing by, I didn’t see little animals; I was in a state of trance; all I could see was the memories that I’ve lived together with Sophie.

I saw her with seven years old, crying because she had hurt her knee trying to ride a bike all alone. I saw myself, getting at her side, comforting the unknown girl. I took her to my house, that was near by, and my mother did a curative at the cut on her knee.

I saw the both of us, four years later, under one umbrella, trying to get home without getting wet by the rain. We were laughing, because we were already completaly soaked and the tiny umbrella wasn’t so useful.

I saw, three years later, when things between us started to get strange. I didn’t see Sophie as a normal girl anymore, she looked unique beautiful in front of my eyes. She arranged a boyfriend and a mix of feelings confused me; I had a huge anger upon that boy, even though I’ve never met him. I saw we fighting, and she stumped out of the room with tears falling off her eyes.

We did not speak for a year. Only after long, endless months, we finally made up, and now I could see the both of us hugging and murmuring “I’m sorry” to each other. She had dumped her boyfriend, and now I could see that she was beggining to look at me the same way I looked at her.

I saw she wishing me good luck before the audition of McFLY, and kissing me in the cheek. I saw that I looked like a complete idiot because I got blushed and almost trip at on my own feet. She laughed, and I laughed along with her; I could hear once again the sweet melody of her voice.

The next memory made me smile. We were on a a party, ilumineted by candles; it was playing the Beatles, and there was a lot of people dancing on the dancefloor. Sophie hold my hand and lead me outside, where no one could see us, we could be alone. It was a starry night, with no clouds on the sky. The wind was blowing slowly, but cold; when Sophie shivered, I borrowed her my jacket. I was helping her putting it on when she suddenly grabbed my tie, pulling me closer to her, wrapping her arms around my neck. I placed my lips on hers, feeling that she was smiling. I closed my eyes and put my hands on her waist. I had to bent down a little, so I hold her tightly and pulled her up, making her feet swing a few inches from the ground.

That was the same night that I’ve told her that I loved her more than my soul.

When I realized, I was in the front of her house, and I’ve already knocked on her door. No one answered right away, and when I looked around, I saw that everything was the way it always have been: there was a large yard and garden, sorrounded by fences so the dog wouldn’t ran away. It was a remote place, it was near a forest and occasionaly cars passed by.

I knocked on the door again, getting impatient. I needed to see her, I needed to hear her voice…

My heart, if I had one, would have jumped when someone opened the door. Eletric chocks ran in my veins, and I had to hold myself for not jump.

Sophie was standing right in front of me.

“Ha… H-Harry?”, she was wearing a large t-shirt, that I recognized that was mine, that I gave to her. She was wearing a sweatshirt on top of it, and an old pair of jeans. Her hair was messy – like always -, but tydied up on a ponytail. Her face suddenly lighted up when she saw my face, and I saw that were paths of tears on her cheeks. Her eyes were read, like she had been crying for a long time.

I entered her house and kissed her; holding her tight, afraid she was going to fade. She was still Sophie, and it felt good seeing that the distorted memory I had of her was partially right. I lifted her from the ground when she started kissing me back, passing her hands through my hair. My stomach started to contract, and my throat was burning – but I had no desire at all on tasting her blood. All I wanted was to continue kissing her forever.

However, something was wrong, because she started pulling me away, trying to make her let go. I was caught by surprise, but I answered her wish; I put her on the ground again and stopped kissing her.

“Harry… They are here”, she said, in a low, deep voice.

There was panic in her eyes, and she seemed scared.

“At least, you are here”, a voice behind me said.

I recognized that voice, and I turned myself, just to find Ash sittied on the couch, with a huge smile on her face. There was a knife on her hands, and it was filled with blood.

“I’ve been looking for you in five years, love.” Ash said, standing up and walking in my
direction.

Instinctively, I hold Sophie in my arms, trying to protect her from Ash when she came pointing the knife at us. A large snarl passed through my teeths and she hold the knife in the direction of Sophie.

“Dougie told me you used to have a girlfriend, and that her name was Sophie Hastings”, Ash continued to say, a smirk on her lips and her eyes burning red. She cleaned the blood on the knife with her finger and then licked it, enjoying herself “It wasn’t really hard to find her, you know”

“What do you want?” I snarled again. Sophie was shaking, frightned. She wasn’t really found on dangerous stuff, and she hated horror movies. I could feel her heartbeat, that was in a fast and unusual rythim.

Ashleigh started walking on the room, playing with the knife in her hands. She looked at me, a sarcastic smile on her face.

“You already asked me this once, love.” she said, and Sophie’s eyes went wide, surprised.
“And my answer is the same: I want you.”

Before I had the chance to reply to her, I felt Sophie escaping from my grip, and she started screaming. I looked at her, and saw that Lindsay, the blonde one, was there, trying to shut Sophie up. When I was about to strike her, Lindsay hold Sophie tighter and opened her mouth close to her neck, showing the row of razor sharp teeth.

“You don’t want to do this”, Ash said, and I heard a noise of a door being opened. I looked at the back door, where Dougie suddenly appeared, expression-less and looking at the ground. So, he was supporting the both of them too?

“I thought you were my friend!” I yelled at Dougie. He didn’t looked up, he continued to stare
the ground. “I don’t know you anymore, Dougie”

Lindsay hold Sophie tighter, making her moan of pain. Tears started to roll down her cheeks.

“What do you want from me?!”, I asked, not being able to see Sophie suffering because of me.

“You ran away!” Ash said “I thought we could live together, love”

“I’M NOT YOUR LOVE!”, I screamed, and striked her, making us both fall on the ground. The knife cut my arm, but it didn’t hurt. She laughed and I heard a scream of pain.

I looked back, and Sophie had fallen on the ground; Lindsay had just broken her legs.

“Why can’t you just leave me?” I said, anger starting to boil in me, getting up before Lindsay started to hurt Soph again. “Bite another guy – I’m sure he’ll fall for you!”

I wanted to go to Sophie’s side, but Lindsay hold her again, tighter this time, while she was sobbing of pain. There was bruises all over her wrists, and her leg was twisted in a strange way. I started to panick; there was nothing I could do. If I attacked Ash, Lindsay would hurt Sophie. If I tried to get near Sophie, Lindsay would hurt her. There wasn’t nothing I could do unless leaving Sophie…

But that was too painful for me to consider.

“Bitch”, I said under my breath.

Lindsay started to scratch Sophie’s arms, creating large and deep cuts on her skin. Blood
started to pour down, and I could see the looks on Lindsay’s face – desire. That uncontrolable, seductive feeling of the scent of blood, calling, yelling at us, screaming for us to get closer…

Lindsay tasted Sophie’s blood on the tip of her finger, and her eyes suddenly turned red. She tighten her grip on Sophie’s waist and wrists and opened her mouth again, in the intetion to bite her arm.

“NOOOO!”, I screamed, but someone was faster then me.

In just a second, Dougie had launched himself on Lindsay direction an sank his fingernails on her shoulder, making her release Sophie. He throwed Lindsay on the ground, making the whole house balance of the shock of the two bodies falling on the floor.

She tried to get up, but before she was able to do anything, Dougie punched her on the face , making her feel dizzy and fall on the floor again. She recovered herself and bit him on the hand, almost taking his finger off. He screamed, and Lindsay took control, sitting on top of him, her legs firmly on his hips, preventing him to go away.

I couldn’t believe in my eyes. Was Dougie trying to help me or what?

I helped Sophie to get up, carefully because of her broken leg. When I hold her arm, it slipped because of the blood on it… And suddenly the scent invaded my lungs.

Sweet, addictive, intoxicating mead.

But when I heard her sobbing of pain, I controled myself, and stopped breathing, so that I wouldn’t smell the blood’s scent.

I got distracted, trying to help Sophie, when suddenly I felt someone pulling me. I looked back and Ash was there, trying to separate me from Sophie. She pushed me to the wall, and I felt the concrete backing behind my back, along with the broken glass of the paiting that was there. Pieces of the wall and the paiting fell on the floor, and it was with so much strength that made me feel disoriented. Everything was spinning fast, all was a complete blur and mix of colors.

Blinking and trying to stay in my foot without falling, my vision started to get better and I didn’t felt dizzy anymore. I saw Sophie on the ground, and Ash next to her, holding the knife on her right hand. She smiled to me sarcastically.

“This one is for you, love”.

She hold the knife higher, and descended it, sunking in Sophie’s chest, in direction of her heart. Sophie screamed as soon as the metal touched her skin and started contorting herself, trying to breath. She tried to move her legs, but it was paralyzed; and she couldn’t escape from it because Ash was holding her, and she was sinking the knife deeper and deeper on her chest.

I couldn’t stop myself, I couldn’t think, I couln’t raciocinate.

I launched myself in the direction of Ash, and when she had fallen on the ground, she hit her head on the table. I sat on top of her and started punching her, not feeling sorry at all; remembering all the bad stuff she gave to me; remembering that she was the one who created me an monster, remembering that she was the one who made me a killer, the one that caused me kill inocent people, the one who caused me feel remorse, remembering that she was the guilty one for my two bestfriends were dead, remembering that she was the one
who tryied to kill my girlfriend, the loved of my life.

She was already gasping for air, but I hold her up and throwed in the windown door, making it all break when she went through it. Once again, I went in her direction and bit her on the neck with all my strength, making her see all the pain she had caused to me, all the pain that was inside of me. I did not felt sorry at all.

Not feeling sorry at all.

Not feeling sorry at all.

Not feeling sorry at all.

Not feeling sorry at all.

Not feeling sorry at all.

Not feeling sorry at all.

Not feeling sorry at all.

Not feeling sorry at all.

Not feeling sorry at all.Not feeling sorry at all. Not feeling sorry at all. Not feeling sorry at all. Not feeling sorry at all. Not feeling sorry at all. Not feeling sorry at all. Not feeling sorry at all. Not feeling sorry at all. Not feeling sorry at all. Not feeling sorry at all. Not feeling sorry at all.

“I’m… not…feeling sorry…”, I started saying, breaking her ribs one by one. “AT ALL!”

She screamed one last time after I bit her again in the throat. Before I realized, I had already riped her head off.

“I’m not feeling sorry at all”, I repeated, when I saw the motionless and torned body on the floor. “Not at all”

I ran back to the living room, and I found Sophie, still breathing and screaming of pain. Her eyes were filled with fear; and I think she feared me. Dougie and Lindsay were still fighting, but Dougie was the one with advantage.

I sat next to Sophie, holding her hand. There was a piece of broken glass near her, and I saw my reflection; my eyes were in vivid red. I looked at Sophie again, and she tried to get away from me. She couldn’t, and even if she tried, I was holding her.

Blood was covering her arms and t-shirts. She had a few seconds to live; she was already losing consciousness. The scent of blood was really appealing, and now more than ever… And
I think I wouldn’t be able to resist. My muscles were twitching, tightening, asking and begging for the blood. My mind was sppining again, the only thing I could focus was on the wond on her chest and the blood dripping from it.

The venom was burning my throat like it never were, and my stomach was contorting. I needed… I needed to taste her blood.

“I’m sorry, I love you”, those were my final words to her.

I closed my eyes when she did the same and leaned in her direction, holding her arm and kissing it gently. The blood poured on my mouth and I felt it with the tip of my tongue, pratically going mad. It was the best I’ve ever tasted.

I opened my mouth a little and bit her on the wrist, feeling the liquid descend on my throat, calming the burning feeling. It was really sweet; and I started sucking harder, not being able to stop. I heard her screaming in a low, cracked voice.

And all of sudden, she didn’t had the strength to scream anymore.

And I was sinking deeper on my personal hell.

“Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live.”

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~ by Eduarda Morsch on February 26, 2010.